|
A good Christian is required to "see" Satan everywhere: in world peace, in inter-faith harmony, in "the good life." For a Christian, anything that threatens to bring happiness is sinful. As a Christian I would be expected to suffer, to sacrifice, to struggle constantly, to accept heavier and heavier burdens, to accept calamities as a test of my faith, to give unthinking obedience, and never once rejoice in the world as it is. And I must always, always see myself as fallen and sinful. And then, after all this, I must accept that I will not be rewarded in this life, but will have to wait for the afterlife before I am rewarded for all that I have given up. Apart from enjoying his suffering, the only pleasure available to the Christian is gloating over the fact that his opponents will face God's judgment in the hereafter. Everyone comes to a horrible, fiery end, and the Christian, caught in a web of guilt, fear, and passive sadism, gets a real kick out of knowing this.
|
|
|
|
(December 2004)
At Kabul University in Afghanistan, there's a medical clinic operated by evangelical Christians. None of the Christians speaks Afghan, of course (Americans are usually too lazy to learn the native language of a country they live in), so when they talk to the patients, they use translators.
The native translators have a great sense of humor.
The Christians say things like, "Listen to the Christian radio," "Pray to Jesus," and "Read the Bible." The translators turn to the Afghan patients and "translate" thus: "Get lots of exercise," "Be a good person," or "Be friendly to others."
|
|
|
|
|
Carefully-selected
off-site links
(THOSE MARKED WITH ASTERISKS PLAY MUSIC):
1. Should a Christian Own a Cat?
2. Jack T. Chick's "Dark Dungeons" (THE INTENSE OCCULT TRAINING THROUGH D&D PREPARED DEBBIE TO ACCEPT THE INVATION TO ENTER A WITCHES' COVEN)
3. Test Your Bible Knowledge (from our friends at the Freedom From Religion Foundation)
4. Christian Pornography
5. Lark News — the most brilliant, dead-on, deadpan, sarcastic sendup of Christianity I've ever seen on the web. I LOVE it.
6. Yoda is Satan
7. You SORRY SON OF A BITCH! Are you driving a gas-guzzling SUV? You're going to HELL !!!
I'm not even a Christian, and yet I'm offended when these dickwads try to tie their cause to Jesus.
8. Buckskinners for Christ
9. Christian Poetry
10. And now, a word directly from Jesus (or his Mom). Heard any good voices lately?
11. * Goths for Christ
12. "You've made it to the Home of the Lucy Bible Program and Study! This program takes lessons learned from
the classic I Love Lucy TV show and uses them as a discussion starter for small group study!"
13. "I got saved! The next day I fell back into pornography and masturbation."
Fortunately, there is an ANTI-MASTURBATION cream available on the net!
14. "Delivery from occultic [sic] domination." Read this lengthy story (read between the lines), and see if you can figure out what really happened (the author apparently has never heard of multiple personality disorder). I'm very suspicious about the crazy girl being kicked out of a mental hospital because she became too violent (?????) ... a MENTAL WARD couldn't handle a violent patient? I'm not buyin' it.
15. Masturbation is a sin (dammit!)
16. Heavenly Father, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I break, crush, dissolve and destroy every satanic attack, druid witch attack, wicca witch attack, kabalah witch attack, wizard attack, shaman attack, witchdoctor attack, witchcraft attack, vampire attack, werewolf attack, santaria attack, voodoo attack, magical attack, sorcery attack, luciferian attack, demonic attack, satanic attack, psychic attack, telepathic attack, mental attack, remote viewing attack, mind control attack, radionics attack, psychotronic attack, psionic attack, death signal attack, disease signal attack, scalar wave attack, tesla wave attack, laser wave attack, ELF attack, RF attack, microwave attack, magnetic attack, acoustic attack, infrared attack and every kind of attack that I don’t know the name of from :
Every person, place, thing, witch, occult source, psychic source, machine, satanist, druid witch, wicca witch, kabalah witch, wizard, shaman, witchdoctor, vampire, werewolf, santaria practitioner, voodoo practitioner, remote viewing operator, radionics operator, psychotronics operator, psionic operator, pine gap group, MIB group, government group, witches, satanist or masonic group, new world order group, shadow government group, illuminati group, MJ12 group, faction 1 group, faction 2 group, faction 3 group, faction 4 group, NSA group, NRO group, CIA group, FBI group, NIMA Group, DOJ Group, DON group, ACIO group, ASIO group, PSICORPS Group, MJTF Group, military group, intelligence group, Army group, Navy group, Air Force group, Marine Corps group, NIS group, DIA group, OSI group, ONI group, OSS Group, UFOS group, MI5 group, MI6 group, Mars Defence Force group, Mars Intelligence Force group, Mars Project group, reptilian group, draconian group, grey group, insect group and every group I don’t know the name of, in Jesus’ name I pray, amen. In the name of The Lord Jesus Christ, I bind everything that came into me from those attacks. In Jesus’ name I close every door that was opened to you, I take away every legal hold and legal ground that you have on me and I cut you loose from all your assignments, in Jesus’ name I pray, amen. In Jesus’ name I command everything that came into me from those attacks to leave me now, in Jesus’ name. Father, I ask you to send these things back to whoever sent them to me, to bring them to repentance. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
17. Bibleman ... a hero for our time (I bet he's one SMITIN' sumbitch)
18. What the Bible has to say about your Monthly Friend aka "Aunt Flo" ("Women who know nothing of God's menstruation laws are clean, but after they learn of them they become unclean when not obeying them.") Amen.
19. Tiger Woods is God
20. POSSIBLY the strangest webpage I've ever seen
"I was in the depths of despair and I cried out to God and as I was cutting my wrists with a razor blade, God miraculously closed them back up so I wouldn't bleed to death."
21. * The SECOND weirdest webpage I've ever seen
Fire up a joint and have a few DEEP tokes before you go here.
22. The THIRD weirdest webpage I've ever seen
"The tears I let dry on my face, so hot they were." This person learned to transliterate five or six Hebrew words, so we KNOW she's for real!
23. * An adult dressing up as Peter Pan ... for Christ: The FOURTH weirdest webpage I've ever seen
"I also LOVE to dance, though I must confess my dancing is indeed very silly." Would you leave your child alone with this fruitcake for even one nanosecond?
This site has had TEN MILLION visitors, according to its hit counter. Wish I were that popular!
24. Satanists Will Eat Jews During the Tribulation. No, really!
"They are now eating aborted fetuses in China. The doctors are actually cooking the fetuses and serving them to the mothers. Some Chinese doctors are serving them to other patients on the assumption that some primal treatment may be accomplished by eating a cooked fetus. These are the Chinese who [sic] Hillary Clinton fawns over." And this guy thinks I'M nuts.
25. Anal Sex in Accordance with God's Will (I'm pretty sure this one is a sendup ... or hell, they could be sincere)
26. Gay Christian Online
27. A talking Jesus doll ($10.99). Hey, he's been pulling your strings all these years; isn't it time for YOU to pull HIS string?
28. Real Christian women don't fake orgasms
29. Satan working through Mozart's music
30. "Deliverance From Demons First-Aid Kit." No shit.
"STEP ONE: Read this immediately, and as you read, imagine my voice speaking to you. When you do this, my commands and prayers are re-activated, and it is the same as if I were there in person with you, speaking out loud."
31. Catholic schoolgirl dolls (these things get me HOT). "Teresa secretly feels sorry for her friends in public schools because they don’t get to wear black watch plaid pinafore-top (crew neck) jumpers like hers."
They cost $139!!! Hell, I could get a REAL Catholic schoolgirl for less than that !!!!!!!!!
32. Anheuser-Busch is marketing to gays! Switch to a Christian beer!
|
|
|
|
