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Within this section, the expressions "Pendragon" or "Robin Artisson," "we," and "us" refer to Pendragon and/or Robin Artisson, who is the owner of the website known as "Pendragon" or "Pendragon's Realm" (this website) and who holds the right to transmit on the website all of the materials contained therein.   The word "materials" refers to any joke, quip, sarcastic remark, word, sound, image, file, dirty word, datum, or anything else contained in or generated by the Site, whether it is humorous or not, and whether or not it is even intended to be humorous (and regardless of whether or not it succeeds in being humorous or entertaining).   All content on the Site is protected by federal copyright laws, even the stuff I stole from other websites.   The website is a complete work of fiction, except for the parts of it that are undeniably true.   When you visit the Pendragon website, you are agreeing and consenting to these terms and conditions of use which I, at my sole discretion, may change in any way at any time, for any reason or for no reason, or for a devious or sinister reason (or just because I'm a bastard).   I can come over to your apartment and have sex with your sister if I want to.   Your consent to these terms and conditions is the "Agreement."   Thus you should read the Agreement with care and, from time to time, you should re-read it.   Hell, you have nothing better to do, right?   If I make any changes, your continued use of the Site signifies that you agree to the Agreement, even if I change the Agreement secretly, and even if I do come over to your house and sleep with your sister.   You may not copy anything from the Site, especially the material that I already stole from somewhere else.   Should you copy anything from the Site, which will be damned difficult since I've installed that little Java script that nullifies the right-click button, I will eventually find out about it, get mad as hell, and probably realize that there isn't a goddamned thing I can do about it, especially if you live somewhere like Oregon, since my ass is stuck down here in Texas. This website is made by hand. As such, certain irregularities may occur. These irregularities do not in any way diminish the product, and are in fact desirable as evidence of the handmade nature of the product. This product is meant for educational purposes only. No other warranty expressed or implied. Any resemblance to real persons (and some people are SO not real enough), living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Prohibited where voided. Not valid in Minnesota, Vermont, Louisiana, or Delaware. Some assembly required. Use only as directed. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Apply only to infested area. May be too intense for some viewers. For recreational use only. If condition persists, consult your physician. Subject to change without notice. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. One size fits all. Colors may, in time, fade. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Warranty void if serviced by non-authorized personnel. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error, or failure to perform. We are also not responsible for the current political situation, daytime television talk shows, the heartbreak of psoriasis, or that fuckin' Urkel kid. As a matter of fact, we are not responsible for much; we are pretty irresponsible any way you look at it ... but we're cheerful, so people put up with us. At participating locations only. Donıt try this at home; these are trained professionals. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. May be hazardous to health if consumed in excessive quantities. No returns unless defective. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Some equipment shown is optional. Under penalty of law, this tag not to be removed except by consumer. Prerecorded for this time zone. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Your mileage may vary. This supersedes all previous and subsequent notices unless indicated otherwise.   You may not copy, upload, transmit, or distribute in any way any Materials contained in the Site, nor may you use them on any network of computers or any other Website (you are, however, allowed to repeat the jokes verbally to your hoodlum friends).   Should you violate this rule and copy something, you do not own that copy.   The stuff that you download or copy is, rather, a license for me to come over to your house and sleep with your sister.   Pendragon retains all title and rights to the Materials.   You are prohibited from distributing or copying any part of the Site in any form which can be (1) perceived by a human being, spirit, or deity [male or female], (2) sensed telepathically, or (3) divined by the use of Tarot cards, runes (elder or lesser), scrying mirrors or bowls, palm reading, or crystal balls.   Pendragon makes no warranties of any kind (either expressed or implied) concerning the Materials on the Site.   Further, Pendragon does not warrant that transmission of the Materials will not be interrupted nor do I warrant that the Materials will be error-free, although I damn sure spent a lot of time and energy proofreading everything twelve different times, when I probably should have been folding clothes or cleaning out the cat box.   Pendragon does not warrant that the Site itself or the server which transmits it will be free from viruses or anything else that might crawl up into the wiring of your computer and turn it into a fucked-up lifeless cross-eyed spark-spitting carcass.   Nor do I warrant that any defects will be corrected.   You alone assume all risk associated with use of the Site, including the full cost of any necessary repair or service to your computer.   In other words, if anything bad happens for any reason whatsoever, you're shit out of luck. You can sue me, but hell, I'm a lawyer, and I'll probably do so much pre-trial discovery that you'll have to add a room onto your house just so you'll have enough space for the piles of paperwork you'll have to collect.   By using the Site, you waive any claim whatsoever against Pendragon which arises from your use, whether intended or not, of the Site or any other site.   This waiver specifically includes any claim arising from a product and/or service which you purchase from any site other than Pendragon and any claim arising from security of information (including, but not limited to, credit card information) which you give to any other site.   In fact, let's just say that by being here today, you've given up all of your legal rights, period.   Pendragon respectfully requests that you do not give him any information whatsoever about any of your credit cards.   Pendragon assumes no responsibility for any content which you find on websites that link either to or from Pendragon's site.   This includes responsibility for the accuracy thereof or compliance with any laws and for any viruses or other harmful shit which may be contained in those websites.   The world is a dangerous place, and Pendragon didn't make it that way.   Nor is Pendragon responsible should this site or any other site link you to a site which you find offensive.   Pendragon assumes that you are not easily offended.   Pendragon does not endorse or warrant the quality of any goods you buy from any website anywhere in the world.   Pendragon shall not be liable in any way whatsoever (including, but not limited to, negligence) for any special or consequential damages resulting from your use of the Site or your inability to use it or from your use of any site linked from or to this Site.   This limitation includes any circumstance in which Pendragon or his representative has been notified of potential liability.   See what I mean?   You're basically fucked, no matter what.   Certain applicable laws may not allow all the limitations of liability described herein (and I hate that).   Should that be the case, Pendragon's total liability to you for losses, damages, causes of action, and/or negligence shall not exceed the total amount paid by you to access the Site which, as you may have noticed, is exactly zero dollars.   Violators will be prosecuted.   Prosecutors will be violated.   The Site may (but is not obligated to) include email functions, chatrooms, bulletin boards, or other means by which you can communicate with other persons.   Should you choose to communicate thus, you may not do so using words, sounds, or images which are, at Pendragon's sole discretion, deemed to be obscene, pornographic, libelous, defamatory, objectionable, violent, or which, in Pendragon's opinion, are illegal.   But hell, go ahead and say "fuck" if you want to, or any of the other words that George Carlin said you can't say on television.   Should you communicate on the Site, by doing so you grant to Pendragon (in perpetuity, exclusively, without any compensation or notice to you) all rights which you have in that communication.   Thus you grant Pendragon the perpetual, exclusive right to duplicate, replicate, copy, shout, disseminate, modify, twist, edit, create other works from, publish, fuck up, distribute, include in other works, translate, and/or edit any communication by any means, whether now known or yet to be discovered, at any place and any time throughout the known universe and the Spirit World, amen.   You may not use the Site for any commercial purpose or to solicit funds or any other goods or services for anything whatsoever.   I'm not sure how you'd do that, but if you do figure out a way to do it, DON'T.   And I won't let you put advertising in my guestbook   -   in the form of you leaving a URL for a commercial site therein.   By the way, nobody has ever actually read this legal notice; if you've gotten this far, congratulations!   Send me an email with (1) your mailing address and (2) the code word sebfarg, and I'll send you $2.00 cash.   What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?   45 pounds.   What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?   45 minutes.   Pendragon's rights herein may be exercised in any language except French (I fucking hate French   -   most of the letters in any given French word are silent), in any medium whether now known or yet to be developed anywhere in the universe, including ESP and cryptic messages contained in crop circles (I once "read" a crop circle ... it said "Ignore previous crop circle").   Further, you waive all moral rights (and immoral rights) to these communications as well as rights of confidentiality.   You also warrant that, should you not own the rights to these communications, the owner of the rights has granted them in exactly the same manner and to the same extent that you would have had you been the owner.   Pendragon assumes no liability whatsoever for any communication on or through the Site.   You are responsible for your communications.   Pendragon assumes no obligation whatsoever (unless there exists a legal obligation) to monitor any communication on or through the Site.   Pendragon welcomes your comments concerning the Site, especially if you want to tell me (1) how wonderful Pendragon's website is; (2) how much you enjoyed your visit; (3) how much you learned, as if you were an apprentice sitting at the feet of a Great Ascended Master, or possibly an infant sucking mother's milk from a teat.   However, I cannot accept submissions of any kind whatsoever unless I specifically request them, or if maybe you send me something that's really, really good, like a naked picture of your sister.   Pendragon just realized the he needs to reserve the right to refer to himself in the third person and/or in the first person, as necessity may dictate.   Consequently, please refrain from sending me any ideas, manuscripts, scripts, or drawings.   Should you, despite this policy, send me an unsolicited submission, that submission becomes the property of ... you guessed it ... Pendragon.   As such, Pendragon will have unlimited, exclusive, perpetual rights, throughout the universe and by any means now known or yet to be invented or discovered, to use the submission for any purpose whatsoever, without any compensation, credit, acknowledgment, or notice to you (Jeez, what a PRICK I've turned into!).   Everything you do is wrong; everything Pendragon does is okay, and he can get away with it, including coming over to your apartment and sleeping with your sister.   The Pendragon website is not intended to be viewed by Christian fundamentalists, nuns, Satanic panic victims, Pat Robertson, Jack T. Chick, my mother, your mother, gun control advocates, dweebs, dipshits, or anyone under the age of 10.